phobia simply means to be afraid. and so, I am a PHOBIC.
I've been in this kind of situation, where I know I wasn't the choice that a man would choose. where I know there would be heartbreaks after every confession, where I know I would be sobbing and regretting for every words I spoke.
and yet, I went back and do it again.
I know... past is something that's left behind, and already gone. but like an old mansion, whats left behind still haunts you till this days. I dont want to be hurt again. I dont want to cry. I dont want another silly nights with only tissues and aching hearts because I know it would be painful enough than having my skin tore with a knife. yet, I like him even though I know I am not the choice he will make.
the term crushes are to make the other part of my heart company while waiting to be fill with something meaningful. but every crushes are my every hope. It is fun to have, a joy; but an ironic twist shows how lonely a heart could actually be..
Ya Allah, help me to love you more so I can fill this emptiness with your love. Aamiinn.