Insecurities and I

Have you ever felt that one morning you feel like on top of the world and then few hours later you felt so down and depress you couldn't even smile? I have. 

In fact I think all of us do feel the same way. I get my insecurities all the time, all day. I can't escape from it, its like when I feel good about myself then there's that small whisper at the back of your head saying "no.... you're not that attractive, your eyes fooled you." 

Before I started my whole diet plan and workout, I don't feel good about myself at all. I keep blaming myself for not good enough for others. I have great friends around me. Great and attractive people so whenever we were having a great time, my friends were always the ones that people would offer things to. For example when you and your friend order for the same cake, they were the ones who got the extra cheese, or extra something. get what I meant? They get the privilege while I don't. I know I shouldn't react negatively to any of that action, but I can't help it to feel that "oh, I'm not shining bright enough for them to see" , and that what sparks my whole motivation to diet and workout. Not that I'm saying that I overcome entirely to my insecurities, it's still there, just waiting for the right moment to come. 

Somehow, sometimes I get my confident level higher despite my low self-esteem behavior, probably due to the outfit I wear, the results from the workout or the smile from a stranger. Its weird. I barely understand myself. When I'm out with my friends, I get that good mood, thus making me confident the whole time. Its somehow like a roller coaster, don't you think? it goes up......then down.....and up that steep hill, then going down faster! haha. 

But despite all that I've said, I can't deny the fact that we all humans. We are not perfect (except Chris Evans, you are so perfect, I love youuuu.. hahahahaha) and yes we feel down about ourselves, but sometimes we feel great about it. I just probably need to be stress-free to avoid feeling down with my insecurities, and accept the fact that I should only satisfy my needs rather than to feast everyone's eye with what they want to see.

I am good as I am and for that I should be thankful and grateful to born as a person, not a beast.... but those beast in film are freakin hot! I hate you Jacob. Demmit. Thanks for reading. see ya! :)