Love Came True

I know some love story are not meant for sharing. I know I shud keep mine closely private, but I want something to remember. Something that I can read into and smile or laugh, or perhaps cry. (in happiness, I hope 😝)

God was so kind to me that He let me met with love when I wasn't even looking for it. By the time, I was happy with my single life after surviving multiple depressions before, but also in the midst of confusion with a guy that keeps me hanging with emotion. Then he came. Rather accidentally there in front of my eyes.

He introduced himself as J. A man that I never even noticed although we worked in a same department. He is as my age. I dont know why something driven me to him. Maybe that's what they called JODOH. 

Me? Surely I was happy with myself, but I am a very insecure person. " I'm sure, we're just friends " I said to myself. That time, I was happy to be single, because I started to accept, the fact that I wasnt good enough for anybody.

I want love, but I don't want it to came too fast or too slow. But Allah's knows what's best for you, love came to me at the right time. I trust Allah heard my voice, my du'a, and let gave me a man that I have always looking for. The right guy in the right time.

Some say, a lover that change together, stays forever and I hope that would happen to us. He introduced me to a world I have never seen before, and accept me for the way I am. Some might say I'm rushing into love, but I know this one will last. Dunno. My hinch tell me so.

Since March 6th 2015,  and today is 9th months together, I never regret anything. May Allah bless us on our journey to marriage.

Next up? Engagement day! Cant wait ❤

Fatherly Love

before I get my hands on my overloaded assignments, let me spill this story off my chest.

Since the beginning of my work, I slowly adapting myself to the fact that my job now was to serve my community and country. I met various types of people every day, watching their behavior (okay probably judging them too, guilty to that) and think about it all day. Sometimes, by the end of the day of my work, I got tired of thinking.

But today, I don't know why, I'm starting to took deep concerns on people I met, people I serve, and my surroundings.

nak dijadikan ceghito... I was serving one of my customer today, a male, a dad, and a husband, carrying his one year old daughter to apply for a passport. The guy looked so young, probably around his 30s and one heck of a good-looking guy too (this is just me praising God's creation ok. haha). While my hands and my eyes were busy on the PC monitor typing and key-in some data, I saw that guy at the corner of my eyes, kissing his daughter's head slowly, over and over.

his hands were glued tight hugging his little princess on his lap, and that cute little child was very calm, and quite happy, she slaps my table repeatedly and smile. He then looked into his daughter and kiss her forehead, and the kid responded happily. I was touched right there. Half of my heart felt numb by the shower of love I saw right in front of my eyes. I pretend not to see what he did right there with his daughter so it doesn't make my communication with my customer became awkward, so I pretended to looked away, and getting busy with my annoyingly slow printer.

The second young father that I saw today too touched me deep. bak kata orang KK, makan dalam, jo. A nice built man with his wife, and their two adorable kids, one he was holding was a newborn. That big biceps pops up when he was holding his daughter in his arm, which grab my attention (sorry bout that. old habits die hard), although he's not my customer, but when I saw he kissed that sleeping newborn, something moved inside my heart. something calmer.

I am my daddy's daughter, and daddy means the whole world to me. since I don't have a big brother, daddy would be the one I looked up too in a man. I realize the fact that daddy loves to show us that he loves us too, but I rarely witness a young father showering their small daughters with love; probably because of man's behavior itself, that they didn't show much love publicly. When I saw both of that young fathers today, it makes me wonder how daddy would react to me when I was still a little monster.. yes, monster...haha. He would probably kissed my head many times in my sleep, hug me tight from any harm, hold my hands so I wont fall, or make me laughed with his silly face, and he would probably did all of that out of love, but I was too young to remember.

I wish I could someday found a husband like that, that loves our child with all his heart. oh, of course loves me with all his heart too! hehe.. who will always be a protector to our child, teach them good lessons or make us laugh with his silly jokes. I would pray he would be more like my daddy, but to be exactly like daddy would be impossible because daddy is just simply irreplaceable. a GOLD.

kalau dekat western, I would raise my glass to all fathers around the world, but here, I raised protein shakes to all daddy's in the world. ( ada makna tuuu....) keep up the good fatherly job fellas! keep the laaavee. oh yeah, feel it.

lastly, love you till the end of time, Dad.
your's truly, that little monster of your own.

Prayers To The Lost Souls

To the lost souls,

Wind up unfound, 

Unknown.

Never fear of the unknown you witness upon you,

but fear the emptiness you'll had in your heart;

the losing hope that wont bring you home.

Remember the kiss from your beloved,

The smile they sent you, 

And the hope they preach to see you back. 

Remember the prayer you once taught 

to keep your feet on the ground, 

while your head up high to the One's above

keeping faith, 

keeping it strong. 

Home shall chant you home,

Fest will be all around, 

All we need was you,

and blow those candles that lighten up for you.. 

originally written : hanisarifah

Come Home, MH370. The whole world are waiting for you.

Changes

The best thing about changes, is that, you will never look the same or feel the same like before. People would start noticing your changes, you will be given compliments (or maybe for some, gain more haters haha) you will face a whole lot new challenges.

ada sejenis pepatah melayu, "hangat-hangat tahi ayam". thats totally me. I never stick to a plan, always a chaos, always a game changer. but u know what, always told yourself to be more commitment to changes, so you will keep surprising people, proof them you are far more than what they assume. when they realize they were wrong, you get your winnings there. Its all about your head.

*so yeah, you just wasted ur time reading my inspiration talk about not giving up. its free though. sekian*

buahahahahaha~

Sweats And Tears

For the past few months and weeks, I have actually dedicated my time to do some small business to support my need of penny. Facing the fact that I'm now unemployed gives me a heavy burden on my chest, actually, that living in this world as an unemployed-waiting-to-graduate personnel is not the happiest situation although I am surely enjoying the free time doing what I want. But doing what you want are not free anymore.

As I mentioned, I did small food business. I made puddings and cook fried noodles and sold it to students. I have already made puddings since last year, where I continued that 'job', as I called it, from my sister who was actually the first one to start the job to fill her free time. Since she had to go for study, I continued the job for myself.

To be honest, I wasn't really confident to myself when I first started, because at that time, maybe I didn't see how important money to me and this was rather a hobby for me ( PTPTN spoiled me, pfftt) and I was on-off selling. But, I never stop making them. Then came the time of crisis, where I had to go through 3 months of practical without any allowance from the University and my PTPTN was already out of contract, money seemed to be more important than ever. So I became serious with this new job I had.

Earlier this year, I added a new 'product' to my selling that is the fried noodle. Why fried noodle? Simply because I love cooking, and most people said that I cooked well, so, why not? right? Mum asked me to baked some kuih bahulu but I disagreed. Baking isn't really my cup of tea. Cooking on the other hand is my passion. :P

First week of trial, I tried small. One packet of noodles, sold RM0.50 each (so the kids could afford la) and see how it goes. Well, it went well! the kids love the noodles, and asking for more! Told ya I can cook! hahaha. Ok stop bragging Nis. That's just sounds ugly.

So, yesterday when my mum was late and usually I just sent all those stuff to her and she sells them, so I waited for her and sold the stuff myself. Surprisingly, in a matter of minute - during recess - the noodles were sold out! I came home yesterday smiling till my ears meet at the back of my head (see how happy I was). Later this evening, mum hand me over all the profits (money laa) that were collected from Monday till today and boy... it exceeded more than I calculated.

I then literally teared up looking at the money that I had in my hand, because I know I have put a lot of efforts, my sweats, my time, my money, my energy, just to accomplish what I'm holding at that time. I almost cried these week because I was so tired of waking up early morning, cleaning up house, cook the noodles, sent them to mum despite any weather, then came home and rush to part-time work, then when I finish work, came home, made pudding for tomorrow, and it goes on and on everyday. It was a true effort. I didn't wait for the end of month to receive my salary. If I'm not selling those stuff, I don't have money, and if I don't have money, I can't make it to graduation this April. and graduation is at Kuala Lumpur, long way from home.. Get it  now how crucial money seems to me?

Well, I think I appreciate efforts more now since the world just slapped me on ma face that if I didn't work my ass off, I didn't get what I wish, and I will just keep on wishing instead of achieving. I want to achieve, I want to do things I want, but in order to do things I want, I need support. I need money. and money I shall find. I just hope I'll have endless high spirit, energy and will to keep this up.

wow, I just wrote a novel. a pat to yourself please, Nis. So the bottom of all this nonsense I just wrote, hard work did pay of well. so guys, work hard. There are other people out there who can't have what you have now, and work their heart out to survive and stay alive. Feel blessed and have faith (I am) because God will surely pays you off well with what you have done.

So till then, I shall end my novel. haha. Hey, thanks anyway for stopping by and spend your time reading this whoever you are. I may not the most important person in the world, but your time spending reading my writing means a lot to me. I just hope to inspire people. 

Will write again soon! see ya!

Insecurities and I

Have you ever felt that one morning you feel like on top of the world and then few hours later you felt so down and depress you couldn't even smile? I have. 

In fact I think all of us do feel the same way. I get my insecurities all the time, all day. I can't escape from it, its like when I feel good about myself then there's that small whisper at the back of your head saying "no.... you're not that attractive, your eyes fooled you." 

Before I started my whole diet plan and workout, I don't feel good about myself at all. I keep blaming myself for not good enough for others. I have great friends around me. Great and attractive people so whenever we were having a great time, my friends were always the ones that people would offer things to. For example when you and your friend order for the same cake, they were the ones who got the extra cheese, or extra something. get what I meant? They get the privilege while I don't. I know I shouldn't react negatively to any of that action, but I can't help it to feel that "oh, I'm not shining bright enough for them to see" , and that what sparks my whole motivation to diet and workout. Not that I'm saying that I overcome entirely to my insecurities, it's still there, just waiting for the right moment to come. 

Somehow, sometimes I get my confident level higher despite my low self-esteem behavior, probably due to the outfit I wear, the results from the workout or the smile from a stranger. Its weird. I barely understand myself. When I'm out with my friends, I get that good mood, thus making me confident the whole time. Its somehow like a roller coaster, don't you think? it goes up......then down.....and up that steep hill, then going down faster! haha. 

But despite all that I've said, I can't deny the fact that we all humans. We are not perfect (except Chris Evans, you are so perfect, I love youuuu.. hahahahaha) and yes we feel down about ourselves, but sometimes we feel great about it. I just probably need to be stress-free to avoid feeling down with my insecurities, and accept the fact that I should only satisfy my needs rather than to feast everyone's eye with what they want to see.

I am good as I am and for that I should be thankful and grateful to born as a person, not a beast.... but those beast in film are freakin hot! I hate you Jacob. Demmit. Thanks for reading. see ya! :)

 

Happy New Year 2014

Finally!! The end of 2013, now moving on to 2014. I wasn't actually really that excited about 2014 to be honest hehehe, but I wish those who excited about it; have a great time! :)

Recap 2013, it was a great year. Nothing big happened (no, I'm not married yet.....boipren pun teda woi) but somehow growing up made me feel that 2013 taught me a lot about life. I'm in a phase where I'm letting myself more open to the doors in front of me, I learn more behaviors, I meet more people, and my perspective to life changed. I'm still the same old me, Hanis who scared of the dark (like seriously), who laughed at any jokes no matter how lame it is, who is being weird at all times. I am still that crazy and weird girl despite the maturity.

It was actually my most frightened year where I finally at the end of my study year where I have to go to real school, practice what I learned in college and apply teaching to real students. In fact, right after I received the letter for practicum, I was trembling, and I cried because I was so afraid of going to the school alone. yes. alone. I was the only practicum students in that school at that time. my friends and I were separated due to different choices of school. I know I might sound sissy or you can say I'm not standing on my own two feet, I felt that way too, but you know what? I pull through anyway. Yes I cried because it was hard, I sobbed because I was doing all the hard work alone and there times where I get sick and insomnia, but I did my job anyway, I push harder, I finish what I suppose to do because I know no one will be there for me to finish my work other than myself. I see that now. I realized it.

By the end of 2013 too I learned a little about health. My awful working condition left behind unwanted fats all over my body that needed to be shed. I was so stressed up by the way I weight and look, I decided to change. I never felt so motivated that by the end of 2013, I shed 5kg within 3 months. My reason? to fit my dinner dress. haha. hey it fits okay! My friends were shocked to see me since they haven't seen me for weeks before the dinner. Ingat aku xble kurus ka? pirrah! haha. My mum xpercaya I can shed that much, she even mocked me around few months earlier and said I am fat and can never be slim. Her words sure cuts deep and I said to myself

"I'll show you guys what you think I can't do" and booyyy I make them drop their jaws.. okay maybe not drop to the grounds, just to their laps. hahahaha. over plak kalo ke tanah. I just shed few 5kg, there's a lot more to do in 2014.

so yeah, this year was a year to get better. To wake up everyday and have some reason to stay alive. I'm praying all my wishes to Allah and pray, pray, pray that this year would make me a better person. Although I will be growing in this process, I am still me. the same old Hanis Arifah that you know. :)

oh gosh I mumble a lot. sorry, but thanks for reading! haha. have a great year, everyone. muah!

Halawin

obviously I am a Muslim and celebrating Halloween are not my tradition or culture. (need to clear you guys on that first). however I never object to any culture or tradition (...and on that too) 

I actually interested by the celebration of Halloween, I mean like, "oh look, they celebrate ghost? I thought they were scared of that?" well, to be diplomatic, I explain to myself, we are all humans and we are not the same.

well if don't know what Halloween is ( ada kan orang main sembarang jak celebrate benda2 gini, knowledge satu hapa pun tiada ) go search for them in Google, buat rugi jak beli henpon leptop mahal2 tapi penggunaan ilmu seciput. *tidak, aku tidak marah*

mengikut pacik Wikipedia kita tu haa, aku bagi simple la okeh, Halloween is a Christian celebration to remember the dead. simple kan? itu jak.. yang Wikipedia melalut panjang2 tu pasal origin dia. malas baca, aku highlight ja benda penting. so, alaa. macam kalo ko sambut betday orang, kan mesti ada upacara makan kek.... upacara palit kek d muka orang lain (terutama birthday boy/girl/woman/man/datuk/tan sri etc etc), apa lagi... haa gitu la jugak..

to make the celebration more alive they crave the pumpkin, go for costume parties, told ghost stories and premiering ghost stories on tv. I hate the last one. I hate horror movies. I dont know why adik aku suka betul tu.

So da paham? jadi kepada yang menyambut tu..... dinasihatkan kalo menyambut berpada-pada sikit ek. keep it under control. to other muslimin and muslimah out there,mohon jangan mau mengada sambut sana. merasa la penampar sebijik karang.

sebelum saye mengundur diri, saye tinggal kan anda dengan serangkap pantun sasterawan.

copy dan mohon sebarkan ke seluruh pelusuk tandas serata negeri.

sekian.

my dear rice (nyammi!)

kecintaan ku terhadap nasik memang tidak boleh disangkal lagi (intro sastera, kau...)

when you're an Asian, hidup mati is always nasi. dari la pagi sampai ke petang sampai ke malam kalo boleh is all about nasi. especially Malaysian. and including me, who adores steamed rice. melainkan ko lahir luar negara biasa makan roti, or alergik nasi, or terip orang putih ndak makan nasik (i keep my option open btw, lol)

since I started my looonngg journey on loosing weight, I always avoid myself from consuming too much steamed rice. because I am so used to the taste of it, I can imagine it in my mouth, how crazy is that! in fact, I can smell the freshly cook steamed rice now. In the middle of the night. In my room. which has no kitchen. Seriously... 

most of the time, one main dish that I always adore is my most lovable Nasi Lemak!! I never gonna reject on nasi lemak. my true love! haha. *over*....  Kadang2 aku suka ikut bapa aku pegi tamu Putatan (Friday-Sunday) early morning of weekend sebab banyak kuih muih akan di jual. and also my fav nasi lemak! I know its an unhealthy choice but I love them anywayysss~ hehe sebab tu after makan nasi lemak, I will try workout on that day. too much lemak need to shed haha

okeh lah, untuk membuatkan para penuntun yakni pembaca blog lebih lapar, ni ha gambar aku buat dan masak nasi lemak beberapa bulan yang lalu. sedap hokeh!. aku jak malas masak sebab leceh banyak kerja =_= " 

ok aku sendiri lapar tatap ni gambar. ciss. oh gosh, aku patut buat lagi. nantilah! hehe.

#loveyounasilemak

my fitness story

heyya guys. I've been missing for a while. Glad to see myself here again typing all about how life's been lately. (as if anyone care nis... -_-)

FYI, I just finished my practical (well few months ago) and currently undertaking my last semester in Uni doing thesis. Part tu x banyak sangat la mau cerita because, I only go to Uni once a week! [jan